After A Newfound Religious Awakening, Marcus Cicero Unveils New Ideological Positions

Brothers and Sisters, I have something to admit to you.

I am a sinner – a horrible one at that.

It was always hard for me to admit such a drastic thing, but thanks to Almighty God, I have at last begun to turn over a new leaf on the glorious road of salvation.

It started with what sounded like a little whisper in my ear, telling me that I should think about the poor Black person and the righteous Jewish person – broken time and time again by my vicious history of trolling and racism through the written and spoken word.

But after a good long while of this whispering, the voice grew stronger, and began to urge me to make amends for my evil deeds – and I at last decided to give in and comply.

From here on out, I will dedicate my life to helping the innocent people of the world, race not mattering, in order to obtain the joys of heaven as defined by great and truthful preachers like John Hagee and Russell Moore.

Because with the Jews, I have come to understand that they are not a monolithic group, but are truly the Chosen People of God – just with some renegades that cannot be used to judge the whole like I have done for so long.

And with the Coloreds, I have come to the conclusion that they do not deserve our wrath and hate, but should instead be persuaded to join hands with us in a patriotic column of joy that could bring peace to the entire world.

And who knows?

Maybe someday my children will embrace the Blacks and/or Hispanics as friends or even family.

And what a beautiful sight that will truly be.

14 Comments

  1. Ho-ho. Unfortunately the majority of Americans wouldn’t get it as this sort of mantra is simple conventional wisdom to them.

    • I know…

      It’s really sad that they wouldn’t get the hint – even on April Friggin Fool’s Day.

  2. You can begin atoning for your wretched past by adopting a child from each of the long-suffering nations of sub-saharan Africa.

  3. In other news, the Associated Press has revealed that, in keeping with his promise to make America great again, President Trump has begun the immediate forced removal of all non-whites, beginning with the estimated 25 million illegal immigrants that have entered the country in the past 30 years. Once this group has been successfully removed, he said tat his deportation force will then begin with the other undesirables, including Negroes, Asians and homosexuals.
    Oh well. A guy can still dream can’t he.

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