District of Corruption
It was a memorable Halloween weekend.
Led by millionaires Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central, Blue America paraded around Washington in the highly anticipated “Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear.” The “Woodstock of the Millennials” drew a crowd of about 60,000 yuppies and hipsters on the National Mall. By most accounts, the crowd was a fraction of the size of Glenn Beck’s “Restoring Honor” rally in August.
“Restoring Sanity and/or Fear” started around 11 AM CST. I watched it for about five minutes on C-SPAN (Stephen Colbert was emerging from “The Fear Bunker” as Evel Knievel) before yawning and turning the channel to watch the Virginia vs. Miami game on ESPN. There were more people in Charlottesville on Saturday watching the Cavaliers than there were with those clowns in DC.
Sanity Ignored: The Mind of Red America
The most remarkable aspect of “Restoring Sanity” was that no one in Red America seemed to know (or care) that it was going on. In all the conversations I had yesterday, I can’t remember anyone bringing up the Jon Stewart rally. The Heartland was preoccupied with Halloween and its traditional pasttime.
So what was Red America doing yesterday?
In Iowa and Michigan, “Reds” were watching Ricky Stanzi and the Hawkeyes destroy Michigan State:
In Alabama and Mississippi, their eyes were fixated on Cam Newton and the Auburn Tigers on the road against Ole Miss. The grey jerseys didn’t work for the “Rebel Black Bears,” but at least Admiral Ackbar wasn’t disgracing the field in Oxford.
In Georgia and Florida, Red America was watching the World’s Largest Cocktail Party in Jacksonville between the Georgia Bulldogs and the Florida Gators (both teams have struggled this year), which Florida won in OT with a field goal.
In Missouri and Nebraska, the Heartland watched Mizzou (after its thrilling goal post tearing down triumph last week over the No.1 Oklahoma Sooners) fall to the Cornhuskers in Lincoln.
On the West Coast, the question on the mind of Red America was whether USC could upset the Oregon Ducks, and how many pushups would the Duck have to do before collapsing from exhaustion.
Some other popular thoughts in Red America:
– Is it humanly possible for Tennessee to get any worse?
– Auburn vs. Oregon in Arizona?
– Can Alabama run the table and go to the national championship?
– Will Boise State ever get the respect it deserves?
– How many laptops would Urban Meyer buy to get Cam Newton to put on a Florida Gators uniform again?
Was anyone in Middle America watching the hipster faggots with Stewart and Colbert at “Restoring Sanity and/or Fear” on a Saturday afternoon on C-SPAN (on a Halloween weekend) at 11 AM CST and 10 AM MST? Unlikely.
Alternatively, how many people in Red America do you think spent the afternoon watching college football, the evening grilling steaks and burgers, and the night getting drunk at sports bars and Halloween parties?
Generation Irony? Woodstock of Millennials?
“Restoring Sanity” should have discredited the idea that Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert speak for Millennials. Of the “more than 200,000” who RSVPd on Facebook, 60,000 actually showed up.
There were 15,000 Auburn fans alone in Oxford last night. In total, there were more people at the Ole Miss game than there were on the National Mall; more in Charlottesville, Lincoln, Jacksonville, Iowa City, Columbia or just about anywhere you look in Red America.
The Reddit constituency is a small vocal minority.
Red America will be holding its own “Restoring Sanity” rally in what is almost certainly guaranteed to be a bloodbath for the Democratic Party in the Heartland.
An ugly picture emerges wherever you look: Iowa, Louisiana, Montana, Indiana, Ohio, Alabama, South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Arkansas, Arizona, Florida, Virginia, Wisconsin. The only bright spots are Christine O’Donnell in Delaware, Joe Miller in Alaska, Carl Paladino in New York, and John Raese in West Virginia who have stumbled toward the finish line.
In Virginia, the Democratic Party is set to be decimated, as the state shifts colors from purple to crimson. The same looks to be true of Iowa and Ohio. Political analysts will be pouring over the midterm data for months. An interesting “national conversation” about the White vote and Red America should be going on by the middle of next week.
The “great unwashed middle of the country” will deliver its verdict tomorrow. Get your popcorn ready.