Ask an Ordinary American Housewife

Ordinary American Housewife
Ordinary American Housewife

Please welcome Occidental Dissent’s newest contributor, Hadassah Rosner. She’s an ordinary American housewife, just like you. She’s here to answer your questions about baking pies, riding horses, watching NASCAR, and other goyish kitsch. She’s a fat stupid American, just like yourself. So you can trust her advice!

Dear Ordinary American Housewife,

I’m a career girl who’s not getting any younger, and I’m starting to hear my biological clock ticking. I have the successful professional job I’ve always wanted, am making it on my own, and don’t have to answer to anybody. I’ve been working a lot of overtime lately for that next big promotion, but sometimes I feel like I’ll be a failure even if I get that promotion, because I’m missing out on marriage and motherhood. I’m torn between the life my mentors and role models inspired me to pursue and a grinding sense of loneliness in my heart. A girl my age can’t afford to be indecisive for much longer. What should I do!?

Sincerely,

Cornered in the Corner Office


Dear Cornered,

That’s not loneliness you’re feeling in your heart. That’s betrayal, betrayal to generations of feminist women who’ve liberated you from marriage, motherhood, and White Christian patriarchy! You didn’t work this hard and get this far to turn back now and stab your sisters in the back. Go ahead and tell ordinary American women like Shulamith Firestone, Emma Goldman, Elena Kagan, Emma Lazarus, Susan Sontag, and Gloria Steinem (and many more!) that you “wanna have a baby”.

If you must have a baby, do my people^H^H^H^H^Hthe world a favor and adopt one of those third world schvartze babies instead of selfishly spawning another unworthy recipient of White Privilege. If you must get married, consider marrying another career girl. That’s legal, now. And before you know it we’ll have moved the country so much more to the left that Republicans will be thinking it was their idea.

Sincerely,

Ordinary American Housewife


Dear Ordinary American Housewife,

I work for the Coast Guard and we came across a raft filled with Cubans attempting to illegally immigrate to America. It’s really expensive to rescue them and support them on public assistance for several months and even years while they tie up our legal system with nuisance litigation. In the meantime, any children they have end up with American citizenship. This is an incredibly expensive problem. How do we stop them from coming?

Sincerely,

Patriotic Petty Officer


Dear Petty Pirate,

Didn’t you read the sign? The world’s huddled masses have more of a right to be American citizens than a fat stupid hillbilly like yourself who was lucky enough to be born here. America’s not a nation…but an idea. If your heart is filled with crass opportunism and your mouth is filled with vapid abstractions about liberty, democracy, and capitalism, then we’ve reserved you a seat at the greatest feast in human history. Invite those refugees to join me as we feast on the vitality, resources, and future of these gullible pigs.

Sincerely,

Ordinary American Housewife


Dear Ordinary American Housewife,

We’re patrolling international waters and we’ve encircled a boatload of unarmed humanitarians attempting to deliver food and medical supplies to the Gaza Strip open-air concentration camp. What should we do, now?

Sincerely,

Indecisive Israeli


Dear Heroic Hebrew,

Shoot to kill!

Sincerely,

Ordinary American Housewife

1 Comment

  1. Silver,

    I don’t think that’s the Brutus from VNN. This whackjob appeared out of nowhere.

    For the benefit of anyone taken in to any degree by Brutus,

    “Especially in light of the names Drinkwine and Bakken taken *together*being damming.”

    Neither Bakken nor Drinkwine is a Jewish name. Period. Nor is the name “Dernkwein” — especially given that it doesn’t exist (google it and you’ll find all results relate to the misinformation campaign about Jan Brewer). In addition to the more than sufficient deconstruction by MGLS, I’ll also point out that Brewer’s ancestors were farmers, farm laborers, coal miners, and the like (not exactly typical Jewish occupations).

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